Thank you for your comment, David, it indeed applies to every relationship! The first reaction is mostly that - a reaction. It's the difference between "You never do the dishes!" and "I feel left alone and unsupported at home" which reveals a much deeper problem. Or even more popular how we tend to always reply to "How are you?" with "Good" even thought we might feel anything but good. Either because we cannot identify what is really going on (out of touch with our own inner world) or it just doesn't feel emotionally safe to open up about the real problem.